Yesterday was a good day! I went through some boxes and found old photo albums, Dustin's clothes, and some things I have been looking for around the house. I spent the majority of the day going through pictures. Then I remembered MySpace! How could we forget MySpace. I found so many more pictures! Then I got the bright idea to ask friends to start posting pictures they have. Needless to say I was up really late with friends having posting wars of pictures of Dustin. Made my night. Seeing pictures I have either never seen before or haven't seen in a long time. I'm so thankful I have people that have pictures of him and they're willing to share.
I know this may sound weird but I think Dustin was around last night. I did something different, that I've never done before and made a place for Daddy at the dinner table with us last night.
After dinner is when I really got into the pictures. After the kids went to bed, and I was done with pictures for the night I decided to take a shower. Nothing unusual taking a shower while the kids are asleep. Lord knows I can't take one when Alex is awake because hard telling what he'll get into. So I take my shower, a nice long hot one so I could relax, and when I get out I heard this loud CRASH. Sounded like pots and pans falling. Now I have some pans still in boxes because I barely use them and they take up room that I don't have much of. So I thought maybe a box fell. Kinda odd a box would fall because it's directly under the basement window. Then my mind starts going crazy. Someone came in my window. Here I am naked, upstairs, with nothing to defend myself. So what do I do, grab a robe (no tie), and a bed rail from the water bed. I stand at the top of the stairs for what felt like forever trying to listen to see if I hear anybody. Nothing. So I venture downstairs, bed rail in hand, one step at a time to find nobody on the first floor. I check all the windows and locks, secure. So now it's time to go downstairs. I'm praying that nobody is hiding under the stairs so they can't grab my ankles and make me fall. Or look up my robe. Nothing. No boxes had fallen either. What made the loud bang? Then I notice it, my clothes rack fell. How it fell I'm not sure. It's stable. It would have to be pushed over to fall. It's never moved in over the month we have lived here. Odd. So I venture to check out the basement, all hiding spots, under the table, under the stairs, behind the washer and dryer...nothing. Whew. Now I can finally go to bed at 2 a.m.! Maybe. I venture off into lala land finally and wake up FREEZING. Thought maybe it was because of my ceiling fan. Nope. I get out of bed and it's chilly. I come down stairs and look at the heater, it's 63 degrees in the house! The thermostat was set at 70 last night, I look, and the little knob is pulled all the way down below 50! How it changed or moved I don't know. So I've adjusted my heat, made some coffee and now I'm warm again. This all just makes me think that Dustin came by to say a very creepy hello. He loved to scare me.
Sometimes I think I got this grief thing. Like right now, I got this, but deep down inside of me I'm just waiting for the next hurdle. I know there's going to be one. So I have to use this time to build up my strength so I can handle the next boulder coming down the mountain.
Grief is a life long process you learn to deal with. It's kind of like a silent disease. It can kill you if you don't face it head on.
No comments:
Post a Comment