I have made it to Valentine's Day. Let the melt down begin.
Did we celebrate like some people do? No. But we did celebrate it. We shared our love for each other every day, but a little more on Valentine's Day. It's hard to sit here. I want him back so bad. I want to hold him in my arms and never let go. Mine. I want what was mine back.
In two days I'll also be hitting a landmark date. 6 months. Half a year. Where did it go? I feel like at 6 months I should be feeling better. Moving on with life. Instead I feel like I'm going backwards. I can't take this. I can't do this anymore. The emptiness is eating me alive. The crying is wearing me out. Lack of sleep is making me even more emotionally unstable.
I think people are getting tired of listening to me. Wondering how much longer they're going to have to hear about this. Deal with my mood swings and up and down emotions. How much longer can I ask of people to listen?
I keep repeating to myself, "6 months, I should be better!" But I'm not. I'm just as fragile now as the day I found out. 6 months just means the shock has worn off, reality has set it, and I now know nothing I can do can fix anything.
I've fallen. Straight on my face. Where do I find the strength to pick myself back up?
The strength will come. So will getting knocked right back down. Grief is a very hard thing and even after 2+ years, I'm still learning to deal with it and keep my head above water.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this. I know you can. Take each second as they come and then deal with it. (((HUGS)))